RULER Approach
At AISM, we employ the RULER Approach, developed by the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, to guide our teaching and learning in Advisory classes. Additionally, we adhere to the SHAPE standards to guide instruction on essential topics such as Puberty and Adolescent Sexual Development, Gender Identity & Expression, Sexual Orientation & Identity, Sexual Health, Consent & Healthy Relationships, and Interpersonal Violence. Click here for the Middle School and High School RULER Unit Overviews.

Advisory
Advisory is a regularly scheduled class within our Secondary School, aimed at facilitating regular meetings for small groups of students. These sessions foster relationships beyond the academic realm and provide a platform for learning directly related to their well-being. Advisors, who are responsible for planning and facilitating these classes, collaborate with the Social Emotional Counselor to offer targeted workshops on health and well-being topics. Advisory is a weekly fixture in all Secondary School grades, spanning from Grades 6 to 12.

Why Children Fight With Their Friends
Children fight with their friends for many reasons, from misunderstandings to arguing over a toy to feeling left out to instances of bullying. These fights can be short-lived, episodic, big blowouts, or even end a friendship.
Emotions can run high and their reactions can be big. Or some children will keep their feelings inside and/or have trouble establishing healthy boundaries in their relationships. Parents are often left wondering how to help—and may worry about why their child is fighting with their friends.
It is absolutely normal and common for kids to experience peer conflict. In fact, these fights can actually be beneficial for your child by giving them a chance to practice their social skills. Additionally, disagreements can be opportunities for your child to recognize their feelings, accurately communicate them, and express what they need. Still, these fights can cause a lot of emotional distress for the individuals involved and are not always handled in a manner that gracefully resolves the conflict. This is where parents can offer guidance and step in, as needed.
General Guidelines for Offering Help

• It's important to strike the right balance of helping and letting kids sort things out on their own. Your approach will change as your child grows up. Still, just because your child may be older does not necessarily mean they won't need help. The challenge is often figuring out when to step in, what level of support to offer, and when to stay out of it altogether. If you jump in to resolve every conflict, then your child may not learn how to do this on their own. 
• Keep an eye on your child's social relationships. Then, if and when blow-ups happen, you'll be there to provide the appropriate level of support. Aim to be your child's emotions coach by acknowledging feelings, modeling calm, caring, listening behavior, reflecting together, and then working on finding solutions. 
• In more serious  cases, it will usually be obvious when you need to get involved. Clearly, if a fight is physical or cruel, such as in the case of bullying, you'll want to intervene to ensure the emotional and physical safety of your child. This is true whether your child is the aggressor or the recipient of the harmful behavior. 
• Sometimes both children are engaging in unkind words or actions. After the behavior has been safely stopped, it's important to get to the bottom of what is happening and why—and to look for solutions to prevent it from occurring again. This is a good time to use the BLUEPRINT.
• When an incident is mild or seems to be on track for a positive resolution, your intervention will likely be unneeded. However, other times, you may need to trust your gut and/or go on your child's preferences to know how much help to offer. 
• It's often helpful simply to provide a sounding board, a listening ear, a hug, or other gentle support for your child. They may want to talk out what happened, brainstorm solutions, need a distraction, or simply need to vent. Most importantly, let them know you're in their corner.
• Parents can help by modeling effective language to use when resolving conflicts (such as "I feel" statements, rather than "you did" statements that may be heard as accusatory). Using the MOOD METER might be helpful. Taking deep breaths and walking away if necessary to calm down are also good techniques to impart to your child. This is where the META MOMENT. is useful. Using the RULER Tools are  also helpful to continue to practice naming emotions, modeling empathy, and brainstorming solutions at an age-appropriate level.

​Additionally, introducing the fundamental steps of problem-solving, known as ABCD:

• A: Ask, "What is the problem?"
• B: Brainstorm solutions
• C: Choose a solution to try
• D: Do it! 

Adapted from: Vanbuskirk, S. (2021). How to Help Your Child Handle a Fight With Friends. Verywell Family. https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-help-your-child-handle-a-fight-with-friends-5198377

A big thank you to those parents that attended the RULER Family Connections Workshop. We focused on the fourth RULER tool, “The Blueprint”.

If you were unable to attend the RULER workshop but you are curious about the BLUEPRINT and how it can be helpful at home,  we have included  the informational slides from the session as well as a few other resources:

• Family Connections: Blueprint overview
• Tips Sheet to help families build stronger relationships within their family, 
• This is the Blueprint reflection sheet. This helps us privately reflect on a conflict and examine the other person's perspective as well.  

If you would like to discuss RULER and the tools, please reach out to Marlo Frontiera, RULER Family Liaison.
Regards,
The Ruler Implementation Team

Thank you to the families that were able to attend the RULER workshop on using the Charter at home. As promised, these are the slides for anyone that was unable to attend and/or anyone that is interested in having a closer look. We also shared a Tips Sheet to help families build stronger relationships within their family, as well as an overview of the Charter Tool for Families.

Those that attended also wanted the “List of 100+ feelings and the definitions”. This list gives us shared definitions to help us all agree on the nuances of our feelings.
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We hope to see you at our next Family Connections Workshop on Friday, 21 October @ 08:15, when we will focus on another RULER Tool called the Mood Meter. Location TBA.  We look forward to seeing you there!
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Regards,
The RULER Implementation Team

Thank you to the families that were able to attend the Family Introduction to RULER. As promised, these are the slides for anyone that was unable to attend and/or anyone that is interested in having a closer look.
A reminder:

• RULER - an approach to social and emotional learning (SEL) that teaches emotional intelligence to people of all ages, with the goal of creating a healthier, more equitable, innovative, and compassionate society. The RULER approach comes out of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and is meant to be a key component of a school’s culture, from students to teachers, to support staff to families. 
• We have begun to Introduce RULER to all of our learners starting with Understanding WHY Emotions Matter. We would like to invite you to watch this short introductory video about RULER, If you have not had a chance to view it.
• Please stay tuned for our next family session, later in the month, where we will focus on using the Charter Tool at home.
• In Primary School, keep an eye on SeeSaw for Family Connection Activities to use at home.
• In Secondary School, watch the Bulletin and the AISM website for the RULER Curriculum information.
• For even more information, please visit the RULER website. 

Please reach out if you have any questions: